Teach Our Children Well

TEACH OUR CHILDREN WELL

I am not an expert at parenting. I don’t think any of us are. Parenting when we are in the middle of it is often trial-by-error, and we learn as we go. Sometimes we take the path that is easiest and less demanding of us, sometimes we choose to take the path that is best for our children.

In my experience, one of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is wanting to be our children’s best friend. It is an honorable goal to have our children be our best friends. But the way to achieve that goal is not to grant their every wish, shield them from every potential failure or create an undemanding childhood requiring little effort. None of these strategies prepare them for the realities of being an adult. If they are unprepared for the real world and struggle as adults, they will resent us for not preparing them properly. If they are able to successfully navigate the rigors and challenges they will inevitably face, they will appreciate us for properly preparing them.

While it may feel great in the moment to have our children be our best buddies, the long-term picture may not be as rosy. The choice may come down to hanging out with them when they are kids versus when they are adults, and I find my children are way cooler to hang out with now that they are grown up. That’s not to say we didn’t enjoy plenty of time hanging out when they were kids, but it was never at the expense of patience, boundaries and discipline. Having them as close friends now is well worth the many moments they thought I was the meanest person in the world when they were little.

Some of the qualities we should attempt to instill in our children

CURIOSITY – Our children should be instilled with a thirst for knowledge. No matter how much they learn or come to believe, and no matter how strongly they believe it, we should teach our children to always continue questioning and exploring. Let them know it is healthy to question everything, from authority to their own strongest beliefs, not because authority or what they believe is wrong, but because things can change, and as they learn, new truths may be revealed. This is not to say they shouldn’t develop strong principles, but the more they critically examine their own belief system, the stronger their principles will become.

RESPECT – Teach them to respect all human beings, particularly those those with whom they may disagree with. Of course, this includes self-respect, which we as parents can play a large role in. No matter how much a person's beliefs may differ from their own, everyone and every point of view deserves respect. Each person’s beliefs are the result of their background, upbringing, and experiences. Even if we find their beliefs to be dangerous or threatening to us, we must first learn to understand why they believe what they believe, before we automatically vilify them. People might change if they are understood and respected. They will fight to hang on to what they believe if they are attacked.

COMPASSION – We should instill the Golden Rule in our children. This might be the most important lesson we teach them. If they expect to be treated fairly and kindly by other people, they must first learn to show love and compassion to others. No one deserves to be treated any better or worse, and the way to ensure this is to learn to treat everyone we meet with the same level of kindness and compassion, regardless of superficial differences. This means everyone, weak or strong, rich or poor, ignorant or educated.

OPEN-MINDEDNESS – While we should feel it is important to instill our own beliefs and values into our children, we also need to recognize that these are only a foundation, and an impermanent one at that. Beyond a few basic principles, such as those listed here, developing minds must remain open and always willing to change. On my own journey, as I became more aware, enlightened and informed, I changed my beliefs in several areas more than once. And this process is ongoing. My belief system is always evolving, as each day brings new information and insights, and if I pay attention to them, they can help me become a better human being. This does not mean I am wishy-washy or easily manipulated. It means I am open-minded enough to realize I am wrong when presented with information and take the time to critically examine it. Once a human mind ceases to grow or change, whether at age twenty, fifty or a hundred, it becomes rigid, and a detriment to the person it belongs to and often those around them.